Lines

Kisi ko dekhne ke liye

Ek pal kaafi hai.

Usay pasand karne ke liye

Ek din kaafi hai.

Us se ishq karne ke liye

Ek saal kaafi hai.

Lekin us ek chehre ko bhoolne ke liye

Ek zindagi kam hai.

- Kumar Vishwas

Farq tha hum dono

Ki mohobbat mein.

Mujhe us se hee thi.

Usay mujh se bhi thi.

I met you and I was afraid that I might like you.

But I ended up liking you and was afraid that I might fall in love with you.

But eventually I fell in love with you and was afraid to lose you.

I lost you and now I am afraid I will never be able to forget you.

- Subham

Khush to wo rehte hain

Jo jismon se khelte hain.

Rooh se mohabbat karne walon ko

Aksar tadapte dekha hai.

Ab to koi showk, koi tamanna, koi aarzoo baaki nahi hai.

Ab to bas zindagi guzar jaye, bas itna hee kaafi hai.

Kaise kar lete hain log ishq, do chaar ke sath.

Mujhe to uske baad kisi ka khayaal tak nahi aaya.

Wo bohot kareeb aakar door hui hai mujhse.

Isliye ab mujhe kisi se nazdeekiyaan pasand nahi.

Bichhad gaye to ye dil umr bhar lagega nahi,

Lagega lagne laga hai, magar lagega nahi.

Nahi lagega use dekhkar, magar khush hai,

Main khush nahi hoon magar, dekh kar lagega nahi.

Hai koi jisse teri yaari na ho.

Aadmi itna bhi baazaari na ho.

Mujhse bhi ho kar wo aage badh chuka.

Dost bach ke ab teri baari na ho.

- Umair Najmi

Maine puchha tha, ke izhaar nahi ho sakta

Dil pukara ke, khabardar, nahi ho sakta.

Jisse puchein tere baare mein, yehi kehta hai

Khoobsurat hai wafadaar nahi ho sakta.

Nasha nahi hai magar ladkhadana chahte hain

Teri sharab ki izzat bachana chahte hain.

Humara mas-la ye hai ek shakhs se hum

Kayi tarah ka talluq banana chahte hain.

Hum isko lipatne ki ijaazat nahi dete.

Koshish to bohot karti hai tanhaai humari.

Chaand nikle aur uski izzat afzaai na ho.

Kaise mumkin hai nagar mein koi saudaai na ho.

Jisko apne baazuon mein bharke khush baitha hoon main.

Ya ilaahi ye mera ehsaas-e-tanhaai na ho.

Kyon na ei shakhs tujhe haath laga kar dekhun

Tu mere vehem se badhkar bhi to ho sakta hai

Ye jo hai phool hatheli pe ise bhool na jaana

Mera dil jism se baahar bhi to ho sakta hai

Kya zaroori hai ke hum haar ke jeetein Taabish.

Ishq ka khel barabar bhi to ho sakta hai.

- Abbas Tabish

4/26/2024 05:30:00 pm Share:

Untitled

The urge is real now. I really want it to end. Only if I was brave enough to do it myself. I would have no regrets. I have everything setup good now. So no harm other than the emotional one to family. But that's natural. And eventually everything will come around, as it always happens. Life goes on.

It seems like I am just running away from myself. Always trying to engage in something or the other, just to distract myself consistently, only to evade her thoughts. Nothing seems peaceful anymore. Every city seems problematic and unlikeable. Now I think no matter where I go, it will feel the same. The problem is not with the place, but me. My longing. My own broken self. My desire to get rid of her. My desire to get her. My desire to finish everything.

Hopefully time will heal me. Or who knows if I get lucky with my ticket to the top floor.

4/22/2024 11:38:00 pm Share:

6 years

I just realized it has been 6 years now. The dread is so real now. I was supposed to come out of it in 4 years itself, max 5 years. But now I fear it might be forever. Is this longing going to be permanent? Will it never go? At least if those good memories are gone, then it will be so helpful. Hope the scientists/doctors invent something soon to delete selective memories. 

The worst thing is that I still have hope. I can't seem to kill that hope. People will say I have not accepted reality. I know all that, still the heart thinks it is possible. And the possibility of the magical future with her makes it all the more wanting. Hope is a strange thing. Makes you suffer so much pain. Makes you feel so good about the possible future that you bear the hollowness so much more.

And my mind still dwindles between the thought of talking to her about it and not contacting her just like the last few years. She must be so happy, why to rub off my sorrow and negativity on to her, even though it might be just a little bit. I know she won't be affected, still the heart says why take a chance. Let her be happy. I always wish all the good for her. I hope she remains purposeful and prosper. I hope I move on. I hope I forget her. I wish I hadn't fallen for her. 

3/01/2024 12:33:00 am Share:

Usko Maaloom Kahaan Hoga

उसको मालूम कहाँ होगा, क्या ख़बर होगी।

वो मेरे दिल के टूटने से बेख़बर होगी।

वक़्त के साथ मेरे घाव भर तो जायेंगे,

फ़िर भी थोड़ी सी तो तकलीफ़ उम्र भर होगी।

उसको मालूम कहाँ होगा, क्या खबर होगी।

वो मेरे दिल के टूटने से बेख़बर होगी।

        - Neelesh Misra

Humne ek umr gawa di teri chaahat mein,

Kitna khush kismat hoga tujhe muft mein paane wala.

Tum mile hee na hote to kitna achha tha.

Mil ke bichhde na hote to kitna achha tha.

Hazaron dard mile tere chaahat mein,

Kabhi dil hee na laga hota to kitna achha tha.

2/03/2024 08:22:00 pm Share:

Fear and Dread

Of late, these days, after seeing, hearing so many friends, acquaintances, colleagues and people I know getting maaried, it is dawning on me thst the news I have dreaded the past five years may arrive anytime soon. Before that, I just want to ask once, just to know if at all there could be a chance for us. I know it is near to impossible and highly unlikely to even think that one might be still single or not have fallen for someone, but, the heart/mind is what it is. Logic defies it. 

I could have talked, striked that conversation but I have avoided. All because I don't want to cause her remotest of trouble or pain, in case me striking this conversation does it to her. There are so many things to say, but I lack the courage to cause unhappiness to her.

Maybe I should chalk out a plan to ask the dreadful answer's question in such a way that she doesn't realize and takes it casually. I will have to pretend properly, ask without making it sound it as a matter of fact. Well, since I never talked in last 5 years, that might throw off my disguise. 

I hope this paranoia of mine ends. It is affecting sleep too.

12/06/2023 08:17:00 am Share:

Staring the nothing

With every passing day, the dread for the doom enlarges inside me. And these days, almost everyday I am seeing her in my dreams. Those moments and a few minutes after waking up, are the happiest moments of the days. It feels so good being with her, because at that moment it all feels real. 

Love is real. It is. Otherwise how can your body tremble and give you goosebumps when you just think about her face, think about talking to her or just touching her finger? How do you suddenly become so happy and chirpy thinking about talking to her who at the moment might be in a different continent thousands of miles apart? Of course all this can be trashed into the bin of hyper unreal romanticism but isn't that real for some people? Maybe, maybe not, maybe it's all outcome of growing up years surrounded by an environment of movies and books, poetry and prose, people and their talks, everything relating somehow to romantic love or whatnot.

9/24/2023 07:26:00 am Share:

Jee Rahe Hain Kapde Badal Badal Kar

Jee rahe hain kapde badal badal kar

Ek din ek hee kapde mein le jaayenge kandhe badal badal kar.

- unknown

बहुत हसीन सही सोहबतें गुलों की मगर 

वो ज़िंदगी है जो काँटों के दरमियाँ गुज़रे 

- Jigar Muradabadi

Woh jo marne par tula hai,

Usne jee kar bhi to dekha hoga.

- Jaun Elia

Roti hui aankho mein, 

Intezaar hota hai,

Na chahte hue bhi,

Pyaar hota hai.

Kyon dekhte hain,

hum wo sapne,

Jinke tootne par bhi,

unke sach hone ka intezaar hota hai.

Tum pasand aaye yeh ittefaaq tha,

Tum hi pasand reh gaye yeh mohabbat hai.

Ishq se bachiye janaab, 

Suna hai ye badi dheemi maut hai.

Kabhi kabhi alfaaz nahi hote kaifiyat bayaan karne ko,

Bas dil karta hai koi samajh le, sambhaal le, samet le.

Tumhari taareef karna meri majburi nahi, 

Yakeen maano tum kaabil-e-tareef ho.

Jinhein neend nahi aati unhi ko maaloom hai,

Subah aane mein kitne zamane lagte hain.

Uske baad to humne muskurana chor diya,

Dil aisa toota ki dil lagana chor diya, 

Woh dhoondh raha hai zamaane mein mujhse behtar, 

Jiski khaatir humne zamaanaa chorr diya.

Tumhein to zindagi ke har dukh bataye the, 

Tumhara toh haq nahin banta tha dukh dene ka.

मैं चुपके से टूटा था,

गिरता तो शोर हो जाता।

Mohabbat ka pata nahi bas lagaav sa hai,

Jo bhi keh lo, bas behisaab sa hai.

Kehna to bohot kuch tha, 

Par usko khush dekh kar himmat hee nahi huyi.

Kaise kar lete hain log ishq, do chaar ke sath,

Mujhe toh uske baad kisi ka khayaal tak nahi aaya

Mohabbat kisi ki adhuri nahi hoti

Bas kisi dusre se ummeedein hoti hain

Wo poori nahi hoti

9/09/2023 02:13:00 pm Share:

The Scary One Again

Woke up to the dreadful dream again. Although this time the zenith of it was not reached luckily, even though it was in my dream, but I still feel the devastation it would have caused me. How I felt when I came to know it had happened in the dream.

The body feels broken and disintegrated since the morning. As if I am in bits and parts. I can imagine what will happen when it happens for real, which will be soon.

I think I am reaching my doomsday. I feel the urge to call her now, to know my end, to know how it will happen and when it will happen. Hoping to get cured or get the strength to cure myself knowing the upcoming facts. Hoping for a closure. But the eternal dilemma too, whether to disturb her momentum or not, will it be bad for her, will it cause any sort of fluctuation in her flow. I don't want to put a slightest of hiccup in her flow of things, flow of life.

I am not able to be optimistic anymore. I think this is for ever. Once you fall, there's no getting back. What is dreadful is that the willingness to get back up is non existent. It feels like there's nothing left to bounce back to. Just me. Just the smitten me, fallen me, drenched me.

Oh I so wish if things would have been different. If things were mutual.

The irony is, despite all this, I am still so happy to have seen her, been around her bliss in the dream. Breathtakingly beautiful. The charm, the appearance. Magical. The best. It was really so fulfilling to have seen her, in person, be with her, even in those moments of truth and lies.

Lies because luckily she was doing a prank. The real alliance was of someone else. It was just a prank initially to make me mad. All friends from my group were in on it and played along. After knowing I was furious, surprisingly I was so relieved as well. Weird emotions.

8/29/2023 08:00:00 am Share:

Trigger?

Why everything reminds me of you? Still? How? It has been 5 years now and I am still in that past dream? Which never happened, which will never happen. Whatever happened was just a fraction of time, that was so great that the longing remains. That spark. Why are some emotions so strong? When will this feeling go? She's still the present. Will I ever be able to make her my past? 

Today while flipping through my college time's passbook, her name appeared. All those memories came rushing to my mind. How normal everything was. How wholesome and magical. Happy and live. Now it's all empty. Hollow. Light years of just vaccum. I wish if none of that had happened. I wish if I had been somewhere else. I wouldn't have to go through this affliction.

I hope it gets better.

7/31/2023 11:59:00 pm Share:

Situationship

My my......I am bewildered after knowing the meaning of this term 'situationship'. Even the autocorrect features of Chrome or keypad doesn't have this word yet. But looking at it, I wonder, was it what I had. Did you know about this concept back in the day. I don't think so. But whatever be, it seems like you totally nailed the situationship lab session. Or maybe I am overthinking as always. Maybe it was nothing. Just that, typical boys like me take anything and everything as sign of love. Romantic love. And there's no concept for friendly love for old school duffers like me who have heads full of haystack and no gray matter. It has been more than 5 years now. How much more time will it take just to be unfallen? Will the desires ever come back? Will this longing ever end? Will I get cured? Will it get worse? When will the memory erasing pill be out in the market?

I still want good for her. That's the sole reason I haven't contacted her at all (as if she would care 😆). Why to give my negativity and filth to her in any capacity. Any way I was no one before 3rd year of college and I am again no one. A fast-degrading person should not be anywhere around a beautiful, ever cheerful, full of positivity, energizing and playful sunshine. Or it is just a way of escaping away from saying “The grapes were sour, I guess!” 🤣

6/14/2023 10:43:00 am Share:

I shouldn't have gone!

I think I shouldn't have attended my friend's wedding. I don't know why, but I am feeling the suffocation increase day by day. May be not seeing her, not meeting her would have been better. I knew she would be there at the wedding, particularly that was one of the reasons I was so excited about going. Had thought so many things in my mind. Was expecting at least some talk with her. But nothing happened. Any way, that's not the point now. 

I keep thinking about her day and night, weeks and months. When I am on phone, when I am not on phone. When I am watching a movie, when I am not watching a movie. When I am reading a book, when I am not reading a book. Will she ever realize? Does she even know? Can I still make it? Should I even try? Or am I just bracing for this impact lifelong? To bear this forever? 

We would have been such a great pair. But I am not one of those lucky ones. 

I feel I have seen enough. Had enough experiences. There's nothing more to look forward to. I will have no regrets if I go soon. In fact, it would be great to go. It would be peace. At least there won't be anything after that, peace or whatever. Once gone, gone. But going seems welcoming. Liberating.

4/09/2023 03:26:00 pm Share:

Questions for Interview - System Admin/Cloud Ops/Backend systems/Infrastructure

How is environment variable, how do you create it? Suppose you are running some commands in cmd prompt which needs environment variable. So you create the variable. Then after will you be able to run the same command in the prompt to fetch the environment variable? What do we need to do to get it?

What are repeated issues you have faced and tried to implement a solution to avoid it, basically something significant you implemented that benefited team/app/org?

Best practices for web server, app server, database? Any 5 for each?

Explain TLS vs SSL.

What are cipher suites?

Difference between a domain and zone?

What is LDAP and AD?

How do you use version control?

Can you do ripple restart in Prod?

What is Pod in Kubernetes?

Most commonly used commands in day-to-day work, *Nix and Windows?

What is virtual host?

OOPs concepts?

Web services you have used and difference among them, like Rest, Soap, others?

Different SDLC processes, agile, waterfall, difference, other types?

How a SSL handshake happens?

Commands used in terms of certificate management, import, etc.?

What is hot deployment? Is it okay to do hot deployments in Prod?

What is clustered index and non-clustered index in SQL?

What are the different day to day tasks that you do in SQL?

What are the monitoring tools you have used so far?

Is AD used for authentication or authorization? What is the difference between the two?

What is AD and what is DC. What is the difference between the two?

What is registry? What can we do with it?

What is group policy?

What is cross site scripting (XSS) and how is it different from SQL injection?

Write the code to get the count of each process in PowerShell.

If you are connected to Wi-Fi and change to LAN cable on the same network, will your IP change?

What is DNS? What is DHCP? How are IPs assigned in a network?

What is execution policy in PowerShell? What are the different types of them?

How to run a script when execution policy is set to restricted?

What is blue green deployment?

Do you have any migration experience from on-prem to Azure? What would be the steps to do it?

How do you create virtual host server?

What is kernel?

What is difference between Apache http server and Apache tomcat?

How to install software/app from repository and from package file?

How to create multiple subdomains in a single web server?

What is ITIL? What is its significance and requirement?

What is the significance of different types of brackets in PowerShell?

How does PowerShell commands or scripts work?

How to create user in AD using PowerShell with data from a CSV file?

How would you fetch the OS details of remote server using PowerShell?

How would you map a drive on a remote system using PowerShell?

What is DNS? What is internal and public DNS?

What are different types of records in DNS? What is an SRV record? Is Alias and CName record same?

How would you list all the users or resources in Azure or GCP in the whole organization?

If 16 (x.x.x.x/28) addresses are available on a network, how many more subnets can be created out of it?

What is a managed instance?

How do you force the system to look for IP first on the DNS server then on the system host file?

What are the different troubleshooting approaches or causes of a remote linux not connecting even when it is online and pinging? What could be cause of error "Connection refused"?

What are the challenges you faced while setting up alerts?

What are the different components of an RCA document?

Can you vertically scale a kubernetes cluster or node?

If we do not use Kubernetes and only have docker for running containers, and if a container stops/crashes for some reason, will it start running up again or would you have to start it up manually? What would happen in case of a pod running? What would happen in case of a Kubernetes deployment when the replica is just 1?

How to grant access to Linux server to a friend using private key and how does SSH work?

What is difference between shared vpc and vpc peering?

What are the different types of network load balancers? What does each do?

Major difference between GCP and Azure?

What are the different method we can ensure out app is always running in a VM on GCP?

What is firewall? How to block port 22 on 3 VMs that might not be in same subnet?

How to increase security of your cloud infrastructure?

How to harden images/VMs?

Tell us about a situation where you got a feedback and how you reflected on it. Any negative feedback you got and what you did with it.

AWS Operations Engineer

How to run a network trace in wireshark and how to analyze the output?

What is a zombie process? How is it created? What happens to it? What should we do with it?

For troubleshooting a slow server, how to find out if the problem is in storage or IOPS?

What is umask in UNIX?

How to use netstat for network troubleshooting? What information we get from it?

What is mtr in linux?

What are run levels in linux and how to use them?

Differentiate soft link vs hard link.

Differentiate threads vs processes.

Differentiate htop vs top.

Walk us through step by step process oh how a device can get connected to internet, detailed steps of dhcp and next steps. What protocols it uses, how lease is renewed, when is it renewed, before or after end of time, is same ip assigned or different, how is that decided?

How does NAT work, given your device ip is 10.4.4.10, router ip is 10.3.3.3, router public ip is 40.5.5.5 and destination website ip is 104.6.6.6, explain what will be public ip of device, what will be internal gloabal ip of website and how nat would do translation. 

What are the different types of natting done? How are they different from each other.

How would you troubleshoot slow loading website for a client? What commands would you use? How would you troubleshoot if ICMP is disabled in the server hosting the website?

What protocol does tracert use?

What is DNS zone? What are the different kinds of dns records? What is the mandatory dns record? What is the unique/extra/special record route 53 in aws provides?

What is MTU and what is MSS?

How would you troubleshoot NIC, how to find out if slowness in loading websites is due to NIC?

What does the df command do in linux?

How do you change owner of a file in linux?

What is split horizon dns?

4/04/2023 08:29:00 pm Share: