I feel like writing here the moment you call me because I want to create a conversation in as much detail as possible. Although I don't talk to you on call and always try to end it as soon as possible only because I don't want you to know my condition and state. Just the day before yesterday I met a very old friend of mine coincidentally for the second time in three years. She despite having no idea about intricacies of my life told me that I am in depression although I don't realise it just when I told her how I feel inside. I don't want you to know anything about me anymore because it doesn't matter. Hence the short call and dropping off soon after. I don't want you to feel any bad about yourself if at all.
I am still strongly stuck in this sticking alloy of emotions and feelings, drowning me deep into its eye.
I don't know if my feeling of disinterest in anything, slow and negative response to life, empty dreams and loss of enthusiasm is just for what happened between us or is a culmination of all the unwanted recent loses that happened in my personal life. I have a very strong desire that for me everything is over. I am fed up of being here. I am fed up of being human. I am fed up of being at the receiving end of problems, worries, rejections and life itself. But I am not courageous enough to take the step that would end it all. I am very weak and coward in that department. I just wish if we have a system where it can be done willingly and legitimately, then I would be saved from all this. I genuinely have done everything that I was meant to do in life, nothing is left that I desire or still want.
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