My Dream Phone

I wish we could buy assembled mobile phones just as we have assembled PCs. I feel this because nowadays it's very difficult to find a phone that would have the specs you would want it to have. For me it has become difficult.

I wish there was a phone available in the market with the specs I want it to have. A phone with the body dimensions not more than 5 inches. Battery 5000 mAh. Either internal memory 64 GB or a dedicated external microSD card slot. Any one among the two would suffice. Dual SIM 4G of course. RAM at least 3 GB. These are the main concerns. Rest all can be made up.

I don't find a phone with above specs available so far. Either I have to compromise on the dimensions as manufacturing companies have started inflating phone sizes to the extent of making them tablets or the battery given is around 3000 mAh. I hope someday they will make this.

1/20/2019 12:01:00 am Share:

यादें - The memories

किसी इंसान को पूरी तरह भूल जाना कितना मुश्किल हो सकता है? अगर इस बात को आप सोचें तो अधिकांश लोगों को लगेगा कि ये क्या बेकार की बात है। कुछ नहीं होता किसी को भुलाना। सब बेवजह बेफ़िज़ूल की दिखावट है।

काश यह सच होता। हम कितनी गहराई तक पहुँच जाते हैं किसी इंसान के साथ। पर ये यादें ही तो हैं जो सबकुछ ले आती हैं। जिन चीजों को आप भूलना चाहते हैं वही ले आती हैं ये यादें।

मैं असल में ज़्यादा कुछ चाहता नहीं था उससे। बस इतना था कि मुझे उसकी ज़रूरत थी। बस जैसे थी वो मेरे साथ, जिस तरह से पेश आती थी बस वैसे ही। ना तो मैंने कभी भविष्य चाहा ना ही उससे भी आगे का कुछ और। ये बात अलग है कि अगर वो भी हो जाये तो कुछ बुरा नही पर वो तो फिर किस्मत से कहीं ज़्यादा मिल जाने की बात होगी।

मैं तो जो था उसी से खुश था सिर्फ एक और चीज़ के अलावा। मैं चाहता था कि वो भी कह दे कि जो मुझे लग रहा है या जो मेरे साथ हो रहा है वो उसके साथ भी हो रहा है और उसे भी ऐसा ही लग रहा है। लेकिन ये बस मेरा एक वहम ही तो था। ना तो उसे मेरे जैसा कुछ एहसास हो रहा था ना ही ये सब कुछ उसके लिए मेरे जैसा था।

गलतफहमी तो शुरुआत से ही मेरी थी। मुझे शुरु में ही खुद को संभाल लेना चाहिए था। कितनी अजीब बात है ना कि आप उन्हीं चीजों से पहले भी गुज़र चुके हैं और तब सबक लेकर ये भी स्थिर किया था कि दुबारा यही गलती दोहरानी नहीं है। फिर भी सब कुछ धरा का धरा रह जाता है।
I wish things wouldn't have been like this.

I get so tempted at times. Just to talk once. And except the time I am at work, she's constantly there in my foreground or background, through and through, day and night.

It hurts. She probably must have forgotten me by now. Sometimes I see her WhatsApp DP. She's good. I wish her the best. And happiness.

1/17/2019 01:48:00 am Share:

Dreams

I am talking about both the dream. Those that you watch while asleep and those that you have when wide awake. And if both of them meet a common ground, then that situation becomes difficult if it's not achievable.

Today also was again the dream so real, so possible, that the whole day I will not be able to brush it aside. It's so real that it could have been one of those old days spent together just an year back. The group we always used to be everywhere. Be it college (of course) or outside. And the central theme being what I could have ever wanted.

I was upset with her due to something and she was there to pursue me in all the childish ways possible. Running around the venue. The place was sort of a Mushaira where both Gods were present, the Hindu too. And the shayar was rendering very beautiful couplets catering to the mixed audience. At times it even felt like it was a Jagrata on Navratra.

Everything around seemed festive with decorations and lights. Among all this we were four friends from our group. Me alone and she with the rest two, trying to constantly follow me around. Sometimes we ran, sometimes we hid. But finally they caught me and used the most brutal weapon upon me. The weapon from which I can never veer off. She started tickling me on my stomach and with that I was done. We went back happily together, pulling each other's leg.

I wish it happened in real, if not this then something similar. Or I wish I stop seeing her in dreams this often.

1/11/2019 09:50:00 am Share:

The Incessant Reminder

No matter how much I try to keep myself busy, immersed in anything from work to experiments, songs to stories, singing and recording to movies, visiting or walking outside on the roads, in everything I do there is a constant coming back, there's a constant reminder. Everywhere you see people, you see the same things and you're reminded of it again.

May it be photos or real people, the more you try to avoid somebody, the more they prop up in your stance. And it's there always in my mind. In fact it's there all the time. Even in my subconscious, in my sleep, in my dreams. Even now after such long (almost a year now) I am frequently seeing her in my dreams. And in those dreams everything is as happy, as normal as it could have been. Nor even an ounce of what reality has offered me.

At this point I just want it to get over. I just want to be in a place where I am not reminded of her in any angle, nor a drop or photon of it. I want to be disconnected to the point where even the farthest related person to her or someone who could bring her mention in anyway, remains off of me. But that cannot be possible as how to tell them no avoid them without having any reason for it. Because they too are my friends and it's difficult.

I wish it ends sooner than I think it will take to end. Past experience tell me tow more years to completely get out of this clean. But two years is a very long time to pass in this state of mine. I hope my forecast is wrong in this case. I also wish for her happiness.

1/01/2019 01:38:00 pm Share: