Surreal dream - meet with Jyothi ma'am

Just woke up to a surreal dream. Till now it was feeling so real. I was in KK sir's ancestral home along with Jyothi ma'am. 

The old house. Weird dream. She was talking about all his friends, his childhood. Where he did what. Showing photos on the walls. School projects or instruments or what was the significance of something. 

She cooked lunch for everyone, he in-laws. Everyone eating together. Then after we were talking about him and while she kept on describing various things about KK sir, my eyes kept on watering. But I was enjoying the conversation so much. It was so real and simple talk. She felt so close as if she was my aunt.

Alarm brought me back to my bed. Wish if it had continued a bit more.

12/26/2022 07:50:00 am Share:

Maybe realisation

Maybe I am coming to a realisation eventually. The first one took 4 and half years to reach complete cure. Right now, I am at the same juncture. At least time wise, yes, it is exactly that point in time.

Finally, I am thinking that yeah, it should not happen, and it WILL NOT happen. There is no possibility. More than me not being deserving of her, I think she doesn't deserve me. No, she doesn't deserve me at all. Not the person I have become now, someone so full and brimming of negativity, pessimism, in fact a magnet of lost spirit. She deserves the person she wants. She should be with whoever she wants to be with.

With the recent upcoming happenstance of meet, sometimes I am now thinking whether I should go or dodge this. I don't know if things will worsen for me due to this. I am hoping not, or wishing to be invisible if I go. Earlier I was thinking of talking to her about closure, so that it will help me in my process, to get cured, but I think it is a bad idea. She might not even remember any of that. For all I know she must have completely taken that episode in her stride as a normal thing and let it go just like every day. I don't want to make her uncomfortable or feel bad in any way. It is best I avoid any kind of confrontation like this. I should just be my normal self, just like in college. Just like it was back then. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing different. I will try.

I wonder when this will end for me! When will I stop thinking about her. It is not like I deliberately think of her. But it is like slice of life. It is when I walk to the place I eat at. It is when I am walking back to my room. It is when I am sitting on a desk in office. It is when I am pouring water over my head before I put shampoo. It is when I am listening to the birds chirp out of the window. It is when I am trying to fall asleep. It is there every time except when I am doing 2-3 things together during office work. It is only when my brain is occupied more than its capacity only that is the time, I am not thinking of her. It is not just when I am writing. It is when the thinking goes too much, beyond a point, that is when I come to write it. Hoping that would lessen the longing, the pain, the urge to be the friend, to talk.

12/18/2022 02:43:00 pm Share:

Things to ask your recruiter

The below list might help you in learning about the company you're going to work in. First section is for HR/Talent team. Second section is for team member. Middle section in red can be discussed with both.

• What are extra perks that are outside of the CTC breakup. Examples like Annual health insurance, Internet bill reimbursement, Productivity allowance, Smartphone bill reimbursement, etc. If yes, are they claimed monthly or how the claims are made?
• What is the typical salary offered for this role to candidates?
• Is this a permanent position or a contract role? If contract, what is the duration? Is there any possibility of transitioning to permanent role?
• Is this a new position that opened up or is this a refill of a former employee. Is this for a particular project or a general hire to train and later deploy into some project?
• How long have you been looking for a person to fill this position? Was immediate joiner a preference or would you have waited for me if I was not serving notice? Are there other candidates being considered for this position right now?
• What is the designation being offered and what is the next designation on promotion and when can I expect a promotion?
• What if after 2 years, I would like to explore some other technology or switch into a different project/role, is there a possibility of that happening?
• If relocating to a different city, is there any relocation assistant/allowance/temporary stay provided?
• What is the procedure for an employee if the project ends? Are they let go or put into other projects?
• What is the time period after which they are let go if they are not in a project?
• Where did you get my profile from? LinkedIn/Monster/Naukri etc. Was I referred and by whom? Will there be a referral bonus for the person who referred me?
• What is the designation being offered?
• Is there a probation period, if yes, how long? How long is the notice period?
• What is the leave policy? How many leaves?
• Will there be any hardware provided like laptop or smartphone or headsets, etc when joining remotely?
• Is it remote work, hybrid or in office work? If hybrid, how many days of week you need to be in office. Is WFH allowed for 3-4 weeks when you visit home/family?
• When will be the next appraisal/hike and would I be eligible for that? What is the average percentage of variable pay/bonus one gets here out of the total eligible amount?
• Does this project's client already have other running projects or is this the first project of the client in this company? How many members are there in the team or how many more will be added?
• Work timings, weeks of the week, weekend coverage or on call support, clients' time zones, late meetings, etc.
• If possible, ask if they are happy and content with their current stint at the company. This is a bit tricky and should be avoided if you are not good with the way the discussion is going.
• What is the duration of this project?
• If this interview is for a particular project, what is the most common work done on daily basis.
• Shift allowance if any for weekend work, Saturday or on call support, or comp-off.
• Tech stack the environment is using, if it is a migration project will it be lift and shift or cloud native apps being developed as well?
• In the team, how does the process of taking leave work?
• Is there any scope of layoff for this position? On what basis is layoff done?

12/14/2022 03:37:00 pm Share:

शिकायत तो खुद से है

शिकायत तो खुद से है,

तुमसे तो आज भी इश्क़ है।

अब नींद से कहो सुलह कर ले हमसे,

वो दौर चला गया जिसके लिए हम जागा करते थे।

रो रहा हूँ एक मुद्दत से,

इश्क़ जो हो गया था शिद्दत से। 

तजुर्बा है तभी तो कह रहा हूँ,

मौत अच्छी है इस मोहब्बत से। 

कितनी मुश्किल के बाद टूटा है,

एक रिश्ता जो कभी था ही नहीं। 

आहिस्ता आहिस्ता ख़त्म हो जायेंगे,

ग़म ना सही, हम ही सही। 

बहुत अजीब हैं ये बंदिशें मोहब्बत की,

न उसने क़ैद में रखा, न हम फरार हुए। 

तुम आने का वादा तो करो,

तमाम उम्र हम गुज़ार देंगे इंतज़ार में। 

मौत को यूँ ही बदनाम करता है ज़माना,

असली दर्द तो ज़िंदगी देती है। 

लफ्ज़ करेंगे इशारा जाने का,

तुम आँखें देख कर रुक जाना। 

12/04/2022 07:16:00 pm Share: