Yes she did ruin my life. All these years, I have been thinking it was my mistake that I fell for her. I constantly and consistently told myself I was the one at fault, not her. I was so blinded, intoxicated, addicted to her, to her personality, to her persona, and kept her in the highest regard, in my definition she was God (although it's a different matter that I am agnostic), that I could never see anything wrong in her. I couldn't ever think she could be bad in anyway.
Now if I think logically and see in retrospect, if I am the one to be blamed for my misery, then she too holds a fraction of my current state. All these years, almost 7 years, I lost. Now I am at nothing. Given the type of pain I went through and sometimes I still do, with all the recent research and findings on human beings' social life and impact of loneliness, I wouldn't be surprised if all this have had any physical implications on my body/mind/biological heart or might lead to weaking/takotsubo cardiomyopathy. It's almost as if a kid plays with a toy for a few minutes and then breaks some part of it and now the toy doesn't work anymore the way it used to. Haha....quite unfortunate a toy. 😁
I know I am the biggest fool and imbecile on this planet but despite that I don't know what made me deserve this.
Not cursing her as I don't think I can ever do that. I will always want her to be happy. But of late not purely, but in a sense I might be arriving at a phase where this sher (shayari) seems apt.
Pehle deta hoon baddua usko
Fir dua usko baddua na lage.
1/26/2025 10:48:00 am
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