All at once.

What is it about nights that bring you all the memories of past. What is it about nights that remind me of all the voids that have been created. And why am I calling them voids. Is it because till the time I had them they were so obvious that now I miss them. Not all the same though, because for family you start taking them for granted, it is quite common. But her, I never took her for granted.

The strange thing is I am writing about her here as if she too is in the same state as others I am talking about here. No, actually not at all. It's absolutely wrong of me to make it seem so. I would never even in my dreams think of her to be in that state physically/actually. But the point I am trying to make here is it's almost like them what she is for me now.

It's bad that I am putting her at the same spot, but I can't seem to think of it as any other analogy. In fact it's the same. The only difference is that this state that I have made of her in my viewpoint is totally my deed. And it's artificial. But for the other two nothing can be done. It's nature or whatever they say about it. Death.

Why did it have to happen all at once. 2016 and 2017 they went. And I made 2018 her last for me. But was it not because of her I did so. Probably not. It's all my fault. It's me who fell for her. It's me who read all the wrong signs, or interpreted them wrong. It's me who keeps repeating the same mistakes.

And my whining continues.......just like a zillion times. But it's still painful. All that has happened. All of them. All in such short span of time. Hope I heal soon.

9/03/2019 01:46:00 am Share:

Melancholy

Imagine how a person would feel if his friend tells him that they wouldn't ever call him in case of emergency, when they need help in any situation, just because the person avoids taking help or gifts from them because he believes he shouldn't be a debtor in anything, believes in equilibrium. The person avoids or resists gifts or things like that just because he is wired that way from childhood. That's what he has been taught by his environment. Maybe since he thinks he can't afford to gift stuff as others do, he resists or doesn't feel good about taking something from someone without paying. This may come across as totally weird to some, and some may even not understand what I am taking about here, but think about the person. How hurt or wrong he might feel thinking that his friend wouldn't take his help just because he resists taking gifts.

Well, people are as diverse as their DNAs make them. Nothing to be done here!

11/25/2016 08:57:00 pm Share:

Emotions hurt!

Today I and my other roommate had to break the lock because my third roommate accidentally took the only key with him to his college. We were really tired and were sweating heavy in the heat. But still we did a bit of roaming around and watched a bit of the world cup semi-final between South Africa and New Zealand. Then we decided to break the lock.

Now when the third roommate arrived, I asked him in a joking tone that why had he taken the key with him. He replied abruptly and said we could have waited 3 hours without breaking the key. I told him about our state at that time of afternoon but still he reacts such rudely. And then he along with my other roommate ask for my laptop to watch a movie. What kind of behavior is this? I was reading the newspaper and he goes out of the room switching the lights off. Great!
I didn't say anything because I don't want bring bitterness in our friendship. But this time I have been wounded hard. I feel sad. I am hurt with these strange ways of human psychology.

3/24/2015 07:56:00 pm Share: