I don't remember the last call. Maybe it was in November. Or October perhaps. Having considered that, it's been five months since we talked but even then when I saw her name flashing through the screen just a few minutes back, my heart was racing like a bullet train. All that rush and fast beats and shivering too. And I was so nervous to talk. It felt so so good to talk to her. To know she remembers.
In a way our magic started on this very day two years ago. The reason for this call is because today is my birthday. And even as fifteen minutes have passed since the call ended my hands are still trembling. Although I feel so happy that she called. But the sad part is I had to be mean with her, say that I didn't care, to make it more eminent to her that I don't want to talk to her (absolutely for my own good, selfish me). I don't think she ever got it. Actually she doesn't even understand what I am going through, and I don't tell her because I don't want to upset her or make her feel bad. I have always tried to make her know that I want to completely erase her (for time being at least) in the most subtle way so that it doesn't hit her in anyway if at all. Today also I did the same, dropped enough hints.
Hope she comes to know someday, somehow. Today I realised I am far from being clean and cured. Whole night (today slept at 4 in morning and got up at 9 am) I kept dreaming and she was there in it all the time. And it felt so good when I woke up thinking all that old things and strong longing for her.
How much more time. When will it end. Still looking to get my sanity back.
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