No matter how much I try to keep myself busy, immersed in anything from work to experiments, songs to stories, singing and recording to movies, visiting or walking outside on the roads, in everything I do there is a constant coming back, there's a constant reminder. Everywhere you see people, you see the same things and you're reminded of it again.
May it be photos or real people, the more you try to avoid somebody, the more they prop up in your stance. And it's there always in my mind. In fact it's there all the time. Even in my subconscious, in my sleep, in my dreams. Even now after such long (almost a year now) I am frequently seeing her in my dreams. And in those dreams everything is as happy, as normal as it could have been. Nor even an ounce of what reality has offered me.
At this point I just want it to get over. I just want to be in a place where I am not reminded of her in any angle, nor a drop or photon of it. I want to be disconnected to the point where even the farthest related person to her or someone who could bring her mention in anyway, remains off of me. But that cannot be possible as how to tell them no avoid them without having any reason for it. Because they too are my friends and it's difficult.
I wish it ends sooner than I think it will take to end. Past experience tell me tow more years to completely get out of this clean. But two years is a very long time to pass in this state of mine. I hope my forecast is wrong in this case. I also wish for her happiness.
1/01/2019 01:38:00 pm
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