Midnight munchings

From the past an hour or so, I am lying on bed, lights turned off, trying to get hold of sleep and float away in the realm of Nidra devi (Godess of sleep). So I try this idea of going through all the memories I have since I was born. Right from the beginning in the city, the kindergarten years. The neighbourhood, the school, the home, the family, and everything else. Then the time in the outskirts and the current home. The school years till matriculation in the familiar land, culture and people. Innumerable instances of games, study, friends, teachers, our principal Mrs. Marrykutty Thomas and the others, the Sundays, the new books, the exams and life back then. The family vacation and trips. Then my introduction of a different part of India altogether. A different state, different style of language, different people. The start of an emotional turmoil. Then the move to college, another new place, new culture, new poeple, new language. The new friends, the new lifestyle of hostel and independence of college. The meeting of her. 

Among all this now after years, I feel does she even know. Did she ever come to know. Does she ever think about me, or remember me. The way I had last interacted, would she ever figure out how much of pain I felt and continue to feel? But I also think now sometimes, what's her fault in this. It was me. It was me all along and even now. I don't know. I am still yet to understand life better. I also feel it's enough.

ये ख़याल अक्सर ज़ेहन में आता है

क्या तू कभी सोचती होगी की

अनजाने में ही भले तूने क्या कर दिया

या जो भी हुआ उसकी वजह से 

उससे मेरी क्या हालत हुई

ये रिश्ता जो मैंने दोस्ती का तोड़ा है

वो इसलिए की में थक गया था

तुझे मुझसे दूर भागते हुए

तेरा किसी और में मुझे पाते हुए

तुझे कोई नया मैं मिल गया

इन सब ने मुझे मजबूर कर दिया

मैंने अपने आप को तुझसे दूर कर लिया

रोज़ रोज़ एक ही ज़हर कैसे पीता

काश मौत भी इस से तोहफे में आता

2/04/2020 12:46:00 am Share: