There's nothing new to write. But yesterday I watched Geetha Govindam, the telugu movie. After a long time felt happy watching a romcom. There were bits and parts of it that don't happen in real life, especially the coincidences and luck. But boys are like that. The perspective shown is real. Girls too are similar, intricate and super nuanced in their thoughts, making simple things as complex as possible.
After the movie ended, I felt shattered. I realized how broken I am, beyond repair. 2023 marks five years since her. Still trying to fall out of love with her. Still trying to cure myself. But the feeling are now of hopelessness, of being a lost cause, of being without purpose and a tremendous amount of fear, the fear of losing the chance with her for ever. I know it's not possible, yet in this hopelessness, still I hope if I approach again where would things go. I want to know what I did wrong. I want to know why not me. But I stay back. I am the most Govind one can be, far far away from the Arjun Reddy girls want.
Maybe my too much of Govind-ism is the actual cause. But I have always been like that. I have never been the clingy type. If someone said no, I never follow up.
The dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and whatever neurotransmitters released during those 2 years, actually 1 year, they have bound me so badly. I just wish if all those could be erased. It's like addiction.
She is happy, may she always be happy.
2/13/2023 09:40:00 am
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