I wish if there could be a reset button in Life!

It's been 3 and half years of my constant trying, to reset this thing and get this load off. I just cannot delete it. Most of the times I feel that, yes I have been successful in doing it. I have overcome. I have recovered from this ruthless and annoying disease. Now am free. But no, when I think more deeply, I find that to be what I want, not what I have been able to achieve. I am just embedding those false feelings over the reality. The reality is, I haven't been able to get rid of it. If God exists (I know there is nothing as such), I always pray that please let me be free again, so that I don't do that mistake again and land myself in trouble. I pray for that button or chemical/physical/hormonal phenomenon which could reset it in any way possible.
I wish I had not fallen in it, the trap. Maybe this is the time it should have happened, and I would have found the correct one without any mistake and would have avoided this long vacant ill period. People/websites/forums say it takes time. But is three years not enough? I envy those people who pass this phase within weeks or months. Almost all seem to pass it in a year or so. What's wrong with me? There are people (whom I find many in numbers and around me all the time) who do it in days. They just don't have any problem at all in moving on. I want to become like them.
When will I be able to leave from the clutches of this evil. Time, please do something. You are my only hope.

11/27/2015 12:31:00 pm Share:

The Mindless

I am really a very high standard idiot. The foolishness in me is vast. Sometimes it's beyond measure. The pristine universe's space isn't huge enough to explain my stupidity. I may also see it as my extreme prowess of taking shortcuts by my dear brain. My brain is so lazy that it takes shortcuts even for the most obvious things. It's an incredible catastrophic kind of resource which has gone out of it's usual doings. If I am to meet someone shouldn't I call them before going out to the meeting venue? But no! My brain takes a shortcut and doesn't think about it, since it has come to know the fact that the person might have already reached just because her father (my father as well) called me telling that why don't I get up, brush my teeth, take bath, have breakfast and go and meet her. Here my brain thinks let's get going because I am already late as I played 4 battles (Clash of Clans) since my father called.

Thus, here I am again in burning anger, cursing myself the whole lot of expletives the mankind has ever invented and known. During this whole 2 hours of waiting which is still on, I would have easily completed my achievement of 1250 trophies under the cool fan on my bed away from this evaporating heat and sweat. I hate this that I wasted this much of time. Why am I waiting here under this tree and typing this article which I think will be in my blog after a very long break. Maybe I start writing only when am too angry or feel very empty. Doesn't matter. I have already thrown my anger on my phone's keypad. But there's still a lot of it for my beloved sister when she arrives.

Enjoy the sun!

Cheers :D

10/11/2015 09:19:00 am Share:

Unknown

The following writing was sent to me by someone and I thought of publishing it here with the authors consent. But the author wants to remain anonymous, so I am not going to publish the name.

I don’t know what to write as the topic of this post. Will leave this article untitled if I don’t work out a title till the end of the writing. I feel sorrow and lament inside me right now. How do you feel when you are thought of as someone who has killed his own brother and that too by someone who is very dear to you and has a direct relation with the person gone. How can a person of your own relation, so close to you, think of you as the person who did nothing to save their child. I don’t know how to react. I don’t know how to talk. I don’t know what to talk. I don’t know what to feel. How should I deal myself. 

Picture credit Huffingtonpost

Maybe they are right. Maybe they are supposed to act in exactly that way. Maybe I am thinking too much. Maybe since they are the nearest to the person gone, they are doing the correct thing. But how can they forget all those moments that we spent together? What about the immense love we have for him. The years spent together. The thing and matters as they were before the incident were so different. How can a brother let his sister’s son die without doing anything? How can she say he didn't do anything? How can she say it all happened because of us?
This was really bad. If God exists and he does these things then He shouldn't have done this to him. If a person is so eager to die but He shovels the other one who wanted to live life to the fullest and always tried doing so. There were so many options.
But things happen and it has happened.

-Anonymous

3/24/2015 10:17:00 pm Share:

Emotions hurt!

Today I and my other roommate had to break the lock because my third roommate accidentally took the only key with him to his college. We were really tired and were sweating heavy in the heat. But still we did a bit of roaming around and watched a bit of the world cup semi-final between South Africa and New Zealand. Then we decided to break the lock.

Now when the third roommate arrived, I asked him in a joking tone that why had he taken the key with him. He replied abruptly and said we could have waited 3 hours without breaking the key. I told him about our state at that time of afternoon but still he reacts such rudely. And then he along with my other roommate ask for my laptop to watch a movie. What kind of behavior is this? I was reading the newspaper and he goes out of the room switching the lights off. Great!
I didn't say anything because I don't want bring bitterness in our friendship. But this time I have been wounded hard. I feel sad. I am hurt with these strange ways of human psychology.

3/24/2015 07:56:00 pm Share:

Love

Love knows no limits.

My heart still feels she will be back. Its ridiculous, that someone breaks your heart, leaves you forever and you still love them with every broken piece, tears come out from your heart and covers your soul, still nothing can ease your pain.
People ask you reasons for your sadness and when you share your pain they tell their stories and try to convince they had gone through more bitter phases. Everyone can listen to your words but no one can understand your feelings, they ask you to be strong, and you have to pretend that you are happy because you don't want to punish your loved ones for your mistake.

Your soul cries sliently but your tears shouldn't tricle down, you want to share how you feel but you don't have words that describe your pain.
And you feel empty, you feel like dying but you have to live for your parents, you have to choose between "Die for your love" or "Live for your parents' love", physically you survive but emotionally you die.

I believe in loving someone forever, but waiting seems endless.
Love is the most amazing feeling but this gives the most unbearable pain as well. Lucky are the ones who are still with the person they love. Value them friends, because love is not easy to get, but once you fall in love it's impossible to forget.

Subham

2/05/2015 05:17:00 pm Share:

Stupid Me!

I am feeling stupid right now. Not just stupid but at the hight of stupidity. I really am a non-thinking thinker who once again did a thing without any prior thinking. Or maybe I thought but not in that detail. Maybe it was just a simple thing but am making it sound such heavy a issue just to hide my stupidity.
Tomorrow I have a Basic Electronics practical class where I am supposed to submit the last experiment's report. So I (without thinking and remembering about the last semester) went out to a stationary and bought back a practical record copy. In the last semester we had to submit practical records on loose sheets. And I forgot this simple thing and bought that copy.
Poor me!

Subham

1/27/2015 06:31:00 pm Share:

A very bad day!

Today was a very bad day. And by today I mean the real scientific today(haha!). I went to bed at 1:00 pm but was not able to sleep. All thanks to my fellow roommates. One of my roommate along with one of our hostel-mate played some stupid game on the latter's laptop till 8 am in the morning. In my cycles of sleep, I could hardly sleep. Just as the deep phase of my sleep was getting over, I was getting woken up by these two idiots' laughter and howling. Every time my sleep broke I was bursting with anger but I didn't say anything to those morons. Right now am feeling like chewing them up. Instead of shouting on them I am hitting my laptop keys. And in anger I have decided to start blogging. This is my first blog and am writing my disappointments of the day in it. Great fool I am.

Today I had my first semester ICP lab exam 1 which was the good thing of the day as it went quite good. My scores aren't relevant here I guess! But they are quite good. After returning from the exam at 2:30 pm, I found my room locked with a different lock. I asked the warden if my roommate had given him the key to keep, as he does whenever he doesn't use the common lock. I searched the reception, but no, the dumbo had forgotten to keep the key with the warden. I felt like hitting my head on the wall. Then when my anger resided a little, I went to the E-library of the college. There I waited till his exam got over. During that time I downloaded The Mummy(1999). And did some miscellaneous surfing and Facebook. Finally now am in my room, still in frustration and agony. I should kill my fellow roommates.

Oh, I should tell you that I have three roommates, one of them is simple. The other two are the bad ones. They aren't just bad, they are worst. The one who didn't let me sleep is Abhishek and the one who kept me waiting for key is Sitansu.

Rest of the story, some other day.
Spit the anger! :-D

11/25/2014 07:27:00 pm Share:

Checking my blog

Checking how it looks after posting a blog.

So here its a sample article.

Devices in which a controlled flow of electrons can be obtained are the basic building blocks of all the electronic circuits. Before the discovery of transistor in 1948, such devices were mostly vacuum tubes (also called valves) like the vacuum diode which has two electrodes, viz., anode (often called plate) and cathode; triode which has three electrodes – cathode, plate and grid; tetrode and pentode (respectively with 4 and 5 electrodes).

In a vacuum tube, the electrons are supplied by a heated cathode and the controlled flow of these electrons in vacuum is obtained by varying the voltage between its different electrodes. Vacuum is required in the

inter-electrode space; otherwise the moving electrons may lose their energy on collision with the air molecules in their path. In these devices the electrons can flow only from the cathode to the anode (i.e., only in one direction). Therefore, such devices are generally referred to as valves. These vacuum tube devices are bulky, consume high power, operate generally at high voltages (~100 V) and have limited life and low reliability.

The seed of the development of modern solid-state semiconductor electronics goes back to 1930’s when it was realised that some solid state semiconductors and their junctions offer the possibility of controlling the number and the direction of flow of charge carriers through them. Simple excitations like light, heat or small applied voltage can change the number of mobile charges in a semiconductor. Note that the supply and flow of charge carriers in the semiconductor devices are within the solid itself, while in the earlier vacuum tubes/valves, the mobile electrons were obtained from a heated cathode and they were made to flow in an

evacuated space or vacuum. No external heating or large evacuated space is required by the semiconductor devices. They are small in size, consume low power, operate at low voltages and have long life and high reliability.

Even the Cathode Ray Tubes (CRT) used in television and computer monitors which work on the principle of vacuum tubes are being replaced by Liquid Crystal Display (LCD) monitors with supporting solid state

electronics. Much before the full implications of the semiconductor devices was formally understood, a naturally occurring crystal of galena (Lead sulphide, PbS) with a metal point contact attached to it was used as detector of radio waves.

2/26/2014 04:13:00 am Share: