Of late, seeing your posts, although I am certain, there was never a chance, I wasn't ever there, but still the question comes, have I lost you? Haha, well I never had you in the first place. Maybe this question is just the rhetorical synthesis of my mind telling me, if I ever had a chance, it's no more there. It's gone. I should accept it now. But when will I be able to accept it. Probably never. Probably not in this lifetime. I hope I do.
It's just painful. Why is it so hard. Why are the systems like this. Thousands of years of evolution, and still these chemicals make it so damn difficult. There's no reason to set up that high level of mechanism when there's no hope of getting the person one desires.
Desire seems such a filthy word here. Longing. Yes, that makes more sense than the former.
There was a point when I used to listen to love songs, because I enjoyed them as well as I believed in the lyrics. Now I’ve reached a point where I can’t get myself to believe that any of it is real. These days no matter how romantic the song or lyrics are, everything feels fake.
These oceans of sorrow, these pools of despair and dejection, this disdain, agony and soreness, would they ever subside. Why do I always think about her. When will it end. Nobody talks about how difficult and heartbreaking distancing from someone you love is, for your own peace and mental health.
Do I love this person? Yes.
Do I think about them all the time? Yes.
Will I ever talk to them again? Hopefully No.
4/03/2023 05:18:00 pm
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