Recently I have been going through a lot of poetry and the Urdu literature. I came to know about Sahir Ludhianvi and Amrita Pritam and Imroz. Now after knowing about them, I feel maybe I was wrong. I have been very selfish and a bad person. If we think of Imroz, despite him knowing that Amrita was and always will be in love with Sahir, he never ended his association with Amrita. It is told that he never even said to Amrita how much he was in love with her. Even then they lived together in the same house but in different rooms, accompanied her everywhere, was always there to help her in anyway possible untill her death. And Amrita remained in love with Sahir, although they never came together despite Sahir also being in love with Amrita. Sahir remained unmarried and in solitude his whole life.
Thinking about them in today's times, I feel I am very very old fashioned and I have been born in the wrong time. Not only did I stop all association with her, I even tried to defer all her attempts of communicating with me regularly. But the thing is, I was and am in pain about that. And I can't bear it all the more. I thought if I remove this person from my life, maybe my pain will lessen as I am reducing a huge source of despair from my life in form of her because with communication I was knowing about her new developments talking to her, which was making me more sad. I thought removing her would make the old memories hazy enough and slowly I will forget them. I was selfish and only wanted my pain to lessen. Maybe I was wrong, but Imroz at least got to stay with her. He could be with her which I couldn't.
I don't know anymore. Yes, maybe I am selfish and I don't want to be in this constant state of gloom and melancholy.
3/16/2020 03:23:00 pm
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